Jumbly Thoughts

I have a problem of getting stressed out and overwhelmed when lots of little things start piling on all at once. Give me a major crisis, I can handle it. But give me a series of 3 little frustrating events and I feel like everything is spiraling out of control. Sometimes life happens. 

These are the lyrics to a song called On The Radio by Regina Spektor. I really like it and it is so true!

This is how it works
You're young until you're not
You love until you don't
You try until you can't
You laugh until you cry
You cry until you laugh
And everyone must breathe
Until their dying breath

No, this is how it works
You peer inside yourself
You take the things you like
And try to love the things you took
And then you take that love you made
And stick it into some
Someone else's heart
Pumping someone else's blood
And walking arm in arm
You hope it don't get harmed
But even if it does
You'll just do it all again

My Irrational Fear

I am TERRIFIED of centipedes. Not the way most people say they are scared of spiders. I mean crippling fear. The other day, I was innocently sitting at my computer waiting for itunes to start up when I found myself caught in a scene from a horror movie. Out from behind my lovely painting on my wall crawled what i now know to be called (after making Courtney Google facts for me) the House Centipede. I blinked, and it was still there. It was ugly, and icky, and fast, and scary! It scampered across the wall and I pushed myself back across the room in my chair and made a sound like this:

Eeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!

And my eyes were THIS BIG!

I didn't know what to do. Because in my world, the next worse thing to a live centipede in your room is a dead centipede in your room. But I had to kill it. Courtney was across campus and thus could offer no help at the time and it had conveniently crawled between myself and the door. I was trapped. I thew a shoe. Then three more shoes. It was sneaky and could dodge well. After an intense stare down session, I threw one of Courtney's rainbows (with slightly too much force) at the awful creature and literally conquered my fear. But not figuratively. I was left with literally shaky hands and did not dare go clean up the guts or corpse. 


P.S. I may have written this dramatic and satirical, but in reality the feelings I have expressed were real.

I almost forgot what it was like...

Well hello there my 9 friends who follow my blog and random people who find this on the internet. Contrary to popular belief, I have neither died, lost creative inspiration or given up on my blog. However, I do find myself in a very different place than where I was at this time last year, and even since my last post. Allow me to list a few for you (chronologically for your convenience):

1. I have a wonderful boyfriend. His name is Sam Smith and I kinda like him a lot. Okay, maybe a little more than that :) We have been dating for 5 months now.
2. My beautiful friend Jessica Perry is now Mrs. Jessica Ellis! And Trey and Kelsey are engaged!! (so are Aaron and Laura, Jordan and Rebecca, Nathan and Hannah, and Annie and Zach!) SO MUCH MARRIAGE!!
3. I worked all summer at New Life Camp as a counselor (and even did a week of service staff) for the third year in a row. There were a lot of changes that happened there, too many to list out in a post. It was a good summer overall I would say, and the theme Life's Not Fair was extremely relevant and much needed.
4. My parents are separated. My mom moved into an apartment in the beginning of August.
5. I am back at Appalachian State University as a Sophomore taking 17 hours
6. I now live in Mountaineer Hall (the new dorm on campus) and it is about a BILLION times better than living in Eggers! The only downside is my ongoing battle with the AppalCart.

So there you have it. I am sure as soon as I post this I will think of other things to update you on but that will just have to wait for a later time because I'm feeling a little hungery mungery...

A Song That I Know All the Words To

Well honestly I know the words to about 95% of the songs on my ipod. But this song is special because my best friend when I was little used to sing this song every time it came on the radio and I was always so jealous that she new the words. I promised myself that one day I would be able to sing this song and I now (kinda) proudly say I can!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fC_q9KPczAg

Also, this video is CRAZZZYYYYYY!! Seriously I have no idea how it fits with the song.

A Song That Reminds Me Of A Certain Event

My first year on staff as a counselor at New Life Camp there was a girl in my cabin who I led to Christ on the porch after campfire on Thursday night. One of the songs that we sung for worship that summer was Jesus Paid It All. As I was explaining the gospel to her, I mentioned how Jesus' death on the cross paid for our sin and now it is as if we never sinned in God's eyes. In response to this she said "It's just like the song! Sin left a crimson stain, He washed it white as snow!" And that was exactly right.

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O3o3DiMVdOI&feature=related

A Song That Remids Me of Somewhere

I really didn't listen to Christian music until I was in Middle School, so during my Elementary School years I was obsessed with the Spice Girls, Brittany Spears, Backstreet Boys, and NSYNC. Whenever I hear songs from these bands I remember dancing to them with my best friend Marlee in my bubblegum pink bedroom at my house on Capers Ct where I lived from kindergarten to third grade. Good times :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9wfpXI5PKlw

A Song That Reminds Me Of Someone

My sister has this odd obsession with Bon Jovi. Every time I hear a Bon Jovi song I think of Michelle. She is by far my favorite sister.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KrZHPOeOxQQ

A Song That Makes Me Sad :(

Pretty but sad. And I love this band!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7NJqUN9TClM

A Song That Makes Me Happy :)

Say what you want about the band, but this song is adorable and you know it :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i-t8vwTZ3o4
 
 

My Least Favortie Song

The reason this is my least favorite song is not because the song itself is terrible, but that i have memorized every note of it and heard it played trillions of times while leading creative movement at camp. And it gets stuck in my head, in my head...

Here's My Heart - Lanae' Hale 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C1rV6PfAwdI

My Favorite Song

I honestly cannot choose a song that I would consider my favorite, so I decided to check what my top played song on itunes was. I really do like this one a lot!  I discovered it at the beginning of the summer last year and apparently I listen to it all the time.

We'll Be A Dream (feat. Demi Lovato) - We the Kings 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IheNXNCcta0

30 Day Song Challenge

I saw that one of my friends on Facebook was doing this and posting them as her status and I thought this would be a good way for me to start blogging again. So for the next 30 days I will post a song and explain why it is important to me. This will be fun :)

Oh and just in case you didn't know... music is one of the most important things in my life. I can appreciate basically every genre from string quartets to rap, and I have many friends who are genuinely great musicians. I honestly can't imagine life without music.

Anthropology

I really don't like my anthropology class. These are my reasons why:

1. It takes up potentially 4 hours of my Monday depending on how long of a lab we have.
2. I do not like monkeys. Small ones are cute but we don't study the cute kind. In fact, I am scared of monkeys (especially the one from Toy Story 3, and yes I do have to close my eyes)
3. In lab, we have to touch bones. Real, human bones. And in one of the labs we studied a real baby human skull. I felt like I was going to pass out and cry at the same time. Thankfully I did neither.
4. My teacher looks like a monkey. Actually, that is the biggest argument she has in telling me we are related to them.
5. Evolution. I studied evolution all through school, and the biggest reason I took this class was because I knew a lot about evolution. I am not sure but I may be the only Creationist in the class, at least the only outspoken one. In a class where I should be enjoying the wonder and complexity of God's creation, I am having to regurgitate lies for my teacher in order to pass.

Doubt

Tonight I went to RUF and the speaker Matt Howell spoke on John 20:24-31 on the topic of doubt and faith. The message was really good and actually something that I needed to hear. Recently I have been struggling with whether or not it is right to doubt God. Not that I am at all but some things have happened lately that made me wonder if a reaction of doubt is as terrible as I always thought it was.

One of the points Matt made in his message was that we put too much faith in our faith. We tend to base our view of God on how much we allow ourselves to rely on Him for. When I have moments when I feel I have faith to move mountains, I think nothing is better than my God. But when I have moments where my faith is a mustard seed I start wondering where my awesome God is. The reality is that no matter how much I trust in Him, he will always be exactly the same. Instead of putting my faith in how I respond to God for what happens in my life, I need to just know that His response will always be the same towards me. When I focus on that, there is no room for me to doubt Him.

Smile :)

There are so many different smiles in the world. There is my embarrassed blushing smile, my half smirk smile, my laughing smile, and my everyday, normal, all the time smile. I started thinking about this last Thursday when I was getting lunch at McAlisters. I forgot to tell the cashier that i needed my food to go, so when i picked my food up at the window i grabbed a bag on the counter. As I was about to walk away, the girl who called out the names said "Oh you should have just asked for me to make it to go!" I quickly responded "Its ok I got it!" Then she said something that has stuck with me throughout this week. She said "Normally I make people do it themselves but you were smiling so I would have done it for you." 
Do people really go through the day and not smile at other people? Was that really all I had to do? Just smile? 
Today I had the opportunity to sit in on staff worship at camp. I, along with the rest of the praise and worship team, was asked to sit in front of the staff as they prayed for and encouraged us as a team and as individuals. When Shelley mentioned my smile I remembered the McAlister incident and started thinking that maybe I smile too much. Which then ironically made me smile because I don't think that's possible!
I know that smiling is not just my personality. It's definitely not that I am not a worrying person. Its that I have a God who will take away my negative thoughts and feelings if I just give them to Him. He is the one who gives me the joy that people seem to notice in me. And He uses it to catch other people's attention and makes people feel comfortable enough to open up to me. Or at least recognize there is something different about me enough to offer to help with a simple task. I know God has many different ways He uses me to reach people, and my smile is one of them. :)

Two Quotes and a Comment

These are two quotes from a book I was assigned to read in my Cultivating Creative Expression Through Music class (long name for a class that is basically elementary school music), titled The Art of Possibility.

"Mistakes can be like ice. If we resist them, we may keep on slipping into a posture of defeat. If we include mistakes in our definition of performance, we are likely to glide through them and appreciate the beauty of the longer run."

-Rosamund Stone Zander

"There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and it will be lost. The would will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is nor how vulnerable nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open."

-Martha Graham

Something I said the other day as a comment on my optimism and just how beautiful of a day it was:

"Instead of having to look on the bright side, today it just is the bright side." : )

How I Got to Where I Am Now

Recently I have been thinking about God's plan for my life and how I know that I will end up exactly where He needs me to be. I know this because of where I am now. 

I will start with my literal position in the world. I live in the tiny town of Boone and attend Appalachian State University. This came as a surprise to basically everyone at my high school. I graduated something like number 29 in my class of 555. My GPA was 4.46 and I took 6 AP classes. My adviser told me I needed to apply to more rigorous schools, and my teachers willingly filled out recommendations for various schools and scholarships. I applied to UNC Wilmington, App State and UNC Chapel Hill and was accepted to all three school. I am not saying this to brag by any means, but to say that I was "supposed" to go to Carolina.  You should have seen Ms. Douglass' (my AP English teacher) face when I announced to the class that I had turned down Carolina for Appalachian! People ask me all the time why I didn't go to Carolina. It is a hard thing to explain to people who are not Christians, because I don't really have a logical reason. I may say it is because I liked the Elementary Ed program at App better (which is true) but really it is because I know God wanted me at App. I felt peace about it and just knew it was God.

Along with the college I attend is the major I selected. I mentioned before that I took some of the toughest classes offered at Wakefield and got good grades in them. I was also the fist chair cellist junior year and solo cellist senior year in the orchestra. I love music sooo much and music theory just comes naturally to me. I can say the thing I found the most pleasure working hard in was music. But I am not a music major. Not even music education. I am doing Elementary Ed partly because I have always said that was what I was going to do, but also because I honestly can't see myself being so extremely happy doing anything else. I have spent years in prayer over what I should major in, and God has yet to change my heart to desire anything else. 

So maybe people think I am not reaching my potential or just taking the easy way out, I am happy to tell you that they are highly mistaken. I am going to do what God wants me to do, and if it looks foolish to anyone else, too bad.

Hoopoe!

Something very exciting just happened to me! I discovered my new favorite animal! Its called a Hoopoe (pronounced "who-poo" haha! :)) I was on this wonderful website sporkle.com and i was doing a quiz on animals from the Bible. Apparently, in Leviticus 11:19, the hoopoe is mentioned. Naturally, I googled it and look at what i found!!!

Appartment Search

This weekend I really need to decide on a place to live. Courtney and I are really set on being room mates but we just can't seem to find the right place. After a day full of dramatic over-thinking and worry, we watched a movie to take our mind off the stress. By the end, we knew it was silly to worry because God will always provide for us!

"I believe in wise planning, but if after doing all you are able to do, you still are fearful of the future, the Lord says, 'Don't worry.'" 
-John MacArthur Anxious for Nothing

Our options so far:

1. Apply for on campus housing and either end up in a better dorm, end up in the same dorm that we don't like, or not get chosen in the lottery at all.
2. Live in University Highlands, but it will be really expensive to pay for it over the summer, meaning no camp :(
3. Sarah Herbert told us about a friend who was looking for 3 room mates. Its a good place to live but the email address we were giving to contact them led us to nowhere.
4. Our small group leader Lucy is moving out of her downstairs apartment in a cute little house with 2 girls living upstairs and they are looking for someone to move in. I have been to the house and it is soooo pretty! It is the best and cheapest option but there is not AppalCart (hate that thing!) route so we would both need cars.
5. Keep looking for places!!

Sandcastles

I recently started read the book Crazy Love by Frances Chan. It was honestly a life changing read! It took me three days to finish it and there were moments where i just had to stop and literally just sit and do nothing. As a result, I have decided to work more on loving people. I will say that I am willing to do anything for anyone, expecting nothing in return, even for those who have hurt me.