Sandcastles

I recently started read the book Crazy Love by Frances Chan. It was honestly a life changing read! It took me three days to finish it and there were moments where i just had to stop and literally just sit and do nothing. As a result, I have decided to work more on loving people. I will say that I am willing to do anything for anyone, expecting nothing in return, even for those who have hurt me. 

This is something i wrote recently and thought it was too depressing to be a post by itself. It is written for only me to fully understand. Really I am a very happy person and I never stay mad or sad for too long. I was just trying to make sense of a confusing situation.

If I had to describe my life right now, I would say that it is as if I am building sandcastles on the shore. I built three sandcastles, and I enjoyed them very much. The person who helped build the first sandcastle ran by and carelessly stepped on it, and I watched in pain as it crumbled. I realized that there wasn’t anything strong holding it together and there was little I could do to keep it from falling. I look at the pile of sand and just wait for the tide to come in to take it all away. All that will be left is the place where it stood and the memories of building it. The second sandcastle has been damaged. I know I can’t fix it, because any of my attempts to repair it will only result in it completely collapsing. I struggle with the choice between letting it stand, damaged, until it falls on its own, or knocking it over myself. The third sandcastle was built farthest from the water’s edge and I have always thought was the safest. Nothing could touch it or knock it over. However I underestimated the reach of the tide. While my back was turned, struggling with the small disasters that are the other two sandcastles, high tide has come. I watch as each wave crashes, and stretches toward my only remaining castle. My mind is racing as I cannot predict how close the water will come.